They say blogs can help ease pain. I’m not sure if it will work this time. Nobody’s reading this blog anyway, so on with my show.
My mom won’t be at home tonight and for the next few days which may include Christmas day. She had a big quarrel with my dad last Saturday night. Though they were still sleeping on the same bed, they were not in talking terms. Last night, she told me that she won’t be home for a while and asked me to give her some space to think. I allowed her. What can I do anyway?
I never saw my parents this way, they had tough arguments but none lead to this situation. Mostly were ok by the next day. Or, that’s how I saw it.
I’m 27 years old. I’m not a child not to understand this things nor a teenager to make it more complicated. I can handle this. Though it may take some time, I believe everything will be fine. It’s just that it’s too hard not to get emotional especially for me who has no siblings to share this pain. I love my parents and they are the only people I have to live my life.
I currently hate what I’m feeling. If only I could fuck it off easily from my system. Sadly, it ain’t easy. I don’t want to be insecure. I don’t want to be envious. I want to be satisfied and simply be happy with what I have. But how can I avoid that. With my 6 years of my professional life I’ve done nothing spectacular. Heck, I’ve never been out of Luzon or experienced riding a plane. I don’t have any flashy gadgets. I have to work hard or double my savings just to buy what I want. I don’t want to live a life full of hardship and insecurity. I want my life to be easy.
Don’t get me wrong but I love my friends. It’s just that sometimes, they piss me off when I suggest something really good but they are just disregarding it. They just love going to the same old places, places that are just too good to be a rendezvous point but not really a hangout spot. When I suggest a new spot, they don’t give a damn to check those places. It frustrates me.
That’s why I often go out alone because I know everytime I invite them somewhere (like watching a movie or something) they won’t join me. They’ll say they are busy or whatever. They will only come if I tell them that it’s my treat.
So if you’re my friend reading this, I want you to know…
I WANT TO BE HEARD, TO BE NOTICED. I AM NOBODY’S FOLLOWER.
My tears would have been crawling down my cheeks if I was not in the office when I was watching this. It somehow reminded me of my dad when he was still working in KSA. He was not a soldier, but he was my hero. My dad worked there for more than two decades, I think. He only got back for good when I was 13 years old. Back then, I only see him during his annual weeks-long vacation here in our country. The feeling of seeing him at home was the same in the video. I felt excited, I felt happy, I felt surprised. I remember those feelings everytime I see him home. It’s a feeling that every child would never forget.
I should be going back to blogging seriously. I mean, blogging regularly and not just updating twice or thrice a month. I don’t know if: I’m getting frustrated because I think no one is reading my blog anymore, I’m always tired from work, I’m lacking new experiences or I am just too lazy to write again. Blame my brain cells for always being pre-occupied with a lot of things. Ideas are overflowing but my fingers don’t allow me to write. There are just those moments when all you want to do in front of the computer is to play facebook games, watch movies or wait for twitter/plurk updates from your friends and avoid stuff that resembles work or something that make your head function. Yeah, yeah, lazy times I know.
By the way, I’ve lost another five pounds since our transfer to the suburban land of Laguna. There goes my another year of workout down the toilet bowl and from sleeping late—10:00pm is bedtime and 10:01pm is already late night for me. I do hope those 5 pounds contains fat and not the little muscles I’ve worked on for the past 4 (?) years. I also need to step up my workout routine again. If only I can do at least twice a week workout again. Geez!
There are just times that your brain is all fucked up and all it wanted to do is to sleep for the rest of its life. It’s happening to me right now. It feels like my head is nuked with bazillions of tryptophan making me want to sleep everytime I arrive home. But I still don’t sleep right away. I still manage to stay up late even if my eyelids are falling.
This early to bed and early to rise routine is really not my thing. But I have to.
It even drains my creativity… or maybe I’m just lazy. I want to work on something great. Something world-changing. I want to earn big from it.
I wish I’m rich.
Even this post doesn’t make sense. Blargh!