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Sleep is a luxury. That’s what busy celebrities think of sleeping. I too regard my beddy-bye a luxury. It’s not because I can’t achieve my z’s, it’s because I have a hard time before the sandman visits me. If not totally dizzy and tired, it will take me a mere 15 minutes to almost an hour to reach dreamland. I badly need a dose of sex valium.

Goodnight Ritual

Like any normal inhumane human beings, I have a ritual to get a bloody goodnight sleep. I slit my wrist, offer blood and sacrifice a horny beautiful virgin in front of the pedestal of the goddess of luxurious forty winks. I chant a prayer sung by Rihanna and dance wildly to it.

Well, of course, I can’t do that. I can’t find a beautiful girl for me, looking for a horny virgin as sacrifice will be harder for me. But I can gyrate to the tune of Carlos Santana’s Europa.

Yeah, I have a ritual to fall asleep. I’ll drink my skimmed milk first, followed by a night bath or shower, then climb up to my bunk. After meditating and having a conversation with my retarded alter-ego, I lie silently. Afterwards, I will lean to my left then in a few minutes I will turn to the opposite side where I face the fan with its wind brushing to my face down to my torso. In a few minutes, my thoughts will then journey to the land of fantasies and wet dreams.

Dress code

Before, I’m not accustomed being shirtless asleep. As the weather continues to malfunction and the global warming worsens, I have learned to just be in my shorts or boxers and feel my nipples touch the pillows and bedsheet. I want to try sleeping barenaked but I share the room with my brother. Though lately I have opportunities to try it, my attempts have been unsuccessful because I have a feeling that I might end up touching myself all night or have nocturnal emissions and spill my love juices all over my bunk. It’s not a good idea to sleep with my million babies.

Travel Trouble Sleeping

Long travel is a punishment. I can’t or I don’t totally sleep during travels. I may sleep intermittently within a few hours—which is more called of a nap than it can be called sleep. Unlike some people, when they get their head lie on the headrest or window you’ll hear them snoring after a few minutes. I envy those beings that can produce sedatives in their bloodstream. I wonder what kind of endocrine glands they have in their bodies.

Do Not Disturb

I have a strict rule in our bedroom; no disturbance or any form of disruption of slumber. It is more effective if I’m already in my bed. The room must always be isolated from noise at bedtime. Since I sleep on the upper bunk of our double-deck, turning on the light is prohibited unless it is an emergency or it’s my mom who always forget the bulb can burn my eyes that wakes me up. I get cranky in the morning when I lack z’s. Disturbing me at night turns me into a red-eyed monster that can make me lift the cabinet or bring the walls of our home down. It’s more than sleeping at the wrong side of the bed.

This post is getting me dizzy now. I need to get my ass off my seat and work now.

How do you guys sleep? Moreover, is sleeping still part of your vocabulary?



  1. Hahaha really funny. 😀

  2. I should try that talk with my alter ego before sleeping too. Hmm.

    I have a few friends who doze off right away when their head hits something soft. Like you, damn I wish I can be like that. But for some circumstances, just wish you wouldn’t haha.

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