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The car ran smoothly along the expressway. No traffic. “I can go home quickly” he thought. If only not for his work, he could have gone home early. Though he was in a hurry, he didn’t push the gas pedal to move faster. In fact, he was driving more carefully than ever. He must be quick but safe, someone is waiting for him. Somebody needs him.

He parked his car across the street. Before stepping out of the car, he saw his house just across the street covered with darkness and a dark aura enveloped it. He suddenly felt sadness rushed through his veins as he neared the gate. The clinging of the cold metal gate shattered the deafening silence of his house. It was cold inside his house, though there was a storm approaching it was not the air that gave him chills. It was the shivering sorrow atmosphere of the house.

He went up to the bedroom to change his clothes. The shrieking sound of the room’s doorknob ruptured the stillness of a disturbed home. The door was opened and he was saddened with what he saw inside the room. His wife was sitting at the edge of the bed with a face punctured with gloom and sadness. He sat beside her and placed her head on his shoulder. The woman bursted out tears onto his shoulders. His chest and arms were soaked with salt water from his wife’s eyes. He knew why she was crying but he didn’t bother to ask again. His wife just needed to cry.

His heart gone heavy seeing his wife in misery. His chest pounded responding to his beloved’s emotion. He could feel his wife’s agony and sadness. Then, he felt a sudden rush of emotions. Tears were already filling his eyes and a bit more could make it fall. It didn’t fall. All he needed was just a few seconds to dissipate those tears in his eyes. He was triumphant to block his own vulnerability. “I can’t cry, I must not cry. Not this time.” he thought.

When his wife stopped crying and was ready to sleep he went down to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and grabbed the beer. It was his sole companion at times of sadness. The bitterness of the chilled liquor soothed his trembling nerves. He got a stick out from a cigarette box, lit it and puffed it. The smoke embraced him and clothed him with warmth. He knew that vices could diminish his lifespan but it didn’t matter to him as long that he wouldn’t cry.

He never believed that crying was a sign of weakness. He couldn’t cry because he needed to stand strong when everyone had gone weak. He had to be firm so that the weak could rest on him and to help them to get back on their feet. Crying have to be done at the right moment—when no one is looking.

He can’t cry because he is a father. He can’t cry because he is a husband. He can’t cry… because he is a man.

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8 Comments

  1. I hope this isn’t what I’m thinking right now.. 😦

    Men not crying is a false show of true masculine strength. It’s an oversimplification of a man’s ego.

    “But you’re OK with this
    damaging awkwardness
    so i’ll just play it safe
    and keep it inside
    boys don’t cry”

    it’s an excerpt from Plumb’s “Boy’s Don’t Cry” (Beautiful Lumps of Coal EP)

    It feels great to cry out sometimes.. it keeps you sane and emotionally healthy. 🙂

  2. Men require themselves not to cry, so as to look stronger to other people. To look tough.

    But men do have feelings to. And sometimes, they just really need to let it out.

    Minus the sobs and the awkward noise, of course. I dunno but there’s this thing called a ‘man’s cry’. 😛

  3. “Men do cry, they just hide it” a phrase from a movie. But your right you have to stand high and not be afraid of anything to be a savior in the midst of darkness and sorrow.

  4. Lalon,
    I think you miss this line “He never believed that crying was a sign of weakness.” He can cry if he wants to but just not to be shown when all else feels weak.

    utakGAGO,
    Men can cry as long they won’t be squealing

    LA,
    If not a savior at least someone others can depend on.

  5. I think men not crying to be strong can still be admirable…in a way lang.

    pero pag sobra sobrang di pag-iyak, ibang storya na iyon.

  6. Ellie M.,
    Malamang mannequin na yun or bangkay na siya kung di talaga siya umiiyak.

  7. nyek, in a way nga lang. 🙂

    minsan, saving face lang ang di pag-iyak. pero sa totoo lang…

    mas gusto na kahit man lang isang tulo ng luha, makita ko…

  8. btw, link ex. do you mind? 🙂


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