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There are two types of asshole in a department stores, the customer and the clerk. So far, I never been a jerk who keep on blabbering against a clerk for an unsatisfactory service. My style is tolerate and smile at them showing that everything is okay with me and it’s not a biggie. Yesterday was different. I was an asshole for once in my life.

I was having a brief shopping in Watson’s at SM Makati because I was lacking my monthly dosage of multivitamins and I was in dire need of a facial scrub. I was not into a brands like Nivea or whatever else, I was just searching for the cheap one with just a price tag of 99 pesos and distributed by Watson’s itself. I was roaming around the department store, but not a trace of the facial scrub I was looking for was apparent. Then, I laid my eyes on a corner I found scrub paraphernalia. Body scrub, foot scrub, shrubs and walla! I found a facial scrub though not the one I was exactly looking for but hell, the price was reasonable. The shelve’s buntings said it was at an exclusive price of 80 pesos, ain’t that a great deal?

I proceeded to the counter quickly. The cashier swiped the product onto that laser thingie and kaching! The computer said the price was 119 pesos. What the fuck?! But it couldn’t be?! There was a large sign on their shelves and all products had a price tag of 80 pesos, what was goin’ wrong here? I showed the shelves to the cashier with the use of my magical fingers and she too was boggled by the phenomena. She asked for an assistance and we waited for a few minutes.

“Sir, 119 pesos po talaga.”

The price was really 119 pesos and they quickly removed the buntings off the shelves. I felt a nerve popped on my forehead and my teeth were a bit grinding. I pulled off the monitor and smashed it into the head of the cashier leaving her bloody and her brain shattered into pieces. I got a pen from the counter and stabbed it into the clerk’s neck making her catch for her breath but it was too late, she died instantly. The customers were in hysteria and panicking to the exits and to kill them all, I farted, grab that lighter with a nude photo on it and light it. Kaboom! SM Makati exploded killing all employees and customers in the establishment.

But I didn’t do that of course, I was not mad at all.

I used my acting prowess to show them and myself what a customer should be acting in that situation. I kept my cool down and acted like a male version of Miranda Priestly from The Devil Wears Prada. I just raised an eyebrow when they told me the real price was. I never raised my voice, instead I was replying with a cold soft voice and a dead stare. The employees were somewhat terrified with my cold reaction. I never imagined that kind of response could scare these people. If only looks could kill, I could have been imprisoned by now.

Then, their supervisor arrived and said “Sir, 119 pesos po talaga siya pero kung gusto niyo pwede po muna nating i-suspend…” “Hindi na.” I interrupted coldly, gave my hundred bucks and got my 20 pesos from my wallet and tossed it to the counter. I murmured “Fix your prices bitches.” They were apologetic but my dead stare and snobbish reaction made their knees tremble. I left the counter not smiling nor looking back at them. I was walking out the store infuriated with a chilling face.

It felt good to be at least a badass for once. That was already an achievement for me. Now I’m thinking, I can be a contravida in local TV series. But not like Paquito Diaz or Max Alvarado, c’mon! Maybe just like Anthony Hopkins. Wow!

That’s all!

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18 Comments

  1. “The employees were somewhat terrified with my cold reaction. I never imagined that kind of response could scare these people.”

    — I think they’re more used to dealing with screaming dissatisfied customers. Hehe. Actually, at times, it does feel good to be a bitch (or an A*hole, in your case).

  2. no, you should have stormed your rage and asked for a public apology! if i were in your case, puta, i could’ve fired them from their jobs.

    sometimes i just hate sales clerks for being sales clerk.

  3. The Cold Reaction always does good. Always helps for me because I almost always get my way when it comes to these things. Especially in restaurants and places where you have to line up and they give you so much hassle.

    Kudos to you Agent Grey for being a badass!! Hahaha 😛

  4. hahaha that was funny on the exaggerated part.

    I think we always have this kind of encounter once in a while. It was a good thing on how they got terrified by your simple deadly scare huh? Oh well, I wish I could also have that impact if ever it happens to me. LOL.

  5. Prudence,
    I actually could have done more if only I was not in a hurry.

    Mitch,
    Just watch or read Devil Wears Prada, Devil’s Advocate, or even Bukas Luluhod ang mga Tala. LOL.

  6. For me, no matter how I make myself look approachable, people are getting scared because of the my stare. Oh well. *shrugs*

    Anyway, enough about me. I think the devil in us gets unleashed in our being sometimes with or without our notice. We would just tick off like a time bomb. And somehow, it’s good to feel that way once in a while.

  7. i hate sales clerks who dogs you around as if you’re some kind of a shop lifter.. i usually stare them with my “what-is-your-problem?” look.

    sometimes it’s really unnecessary to create a scene out of a little misunderstanding but if the situation calls for it, then i’d gladly give them what they deserve. 😛

    devil wears prada is one of my all-time favorite movie.. haven’t read the book yet though.

    “everybody wants to be us” – miranda priestly (i loved this line!)

  8. i preferred that kind of act as well. it’s not about the price.. it’s about the pricing. and oh, are we talking about Hannibal Lecter here.. coz i kinda got that idea with all the stabbing!

  9. I would have done the same…

    Not the cold tone and dead stare….

    the bashing the sales clerk’s brains out part…

    yummy…

  10. Wow, Kuya. I couldn’t believe you just did that. When I thought you’re an angel kicked out from heaven…:grin:

    Anyway, that worked well. Actually, with people, we all know that coldness is hard to handle. Anger’s easier. 😉

  11. I’m a bomb waiting to explode lol If something like that happens to me, my mouth would come alive, spewing off shitty words at a rate of 3298words/second. As for coldness, people generally can’t feel when I’m starting to put on a cold face.. That’s because I’m a generally cold person. No difference at all. Haha!

  12. Ass-hooooooooole! LOL!

    Buti hindi ka nadapa paglabas yun. Haha! Comedy yun pagnagkataon. LOL!

  13. wow. bait pa rin. pero mas nakakatakot pag tahimik. anything is possible. hehe.

  14. AHAHAHA natawa ako dun sa sanang ginawa mo. mas okay yun kesa sa silent treatment. mas nakakatakot yun eh. bettere have your revenge e-xplosive.

  15. HAHA. This is funny on the exaggerated part. Dapat nilakas mo yung “Fix your prices bitches.” LOL.

    I like your blog. 🙂

  16. Lalon,
    I hate those kind of sales clerks who treat customers as criminals.

    Jigs,
    That definitely feels better.

    Yna,
    That’s the term I am looking for, “kicked out from heaven”. Nice!

    Gean,
    That would have been nasty but I prefer the soft-spoken-cold-hearted treatment, it will leave them puzzled.

  17. Your such a meannie bad bad! Haha is the cold voice sounded like Voldemort’s “You Will Loose Everything?”

  18. LA,
    Am I that mean that I could almost eat those clerks?


One Trackback/Pingback

  1. […] It’s just annoying that we have to serve obnoxious clients whether we are the owner or a simple blue-collar employee of a company. Oh well! There’s nothing we can do about it, do we? We have work because of our clients, our  businesses earn money because of our customers. No one is really a boss until ourselves become the customer. That’s why most of us enjoy being a customer and be on rampage when dissatisfied. So far, I have never done such a scandalous remark as a customer, just something evil. […]

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