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I nearly pooped on my pants this noon. Before having lunch, my tummy growled angrily at me. It even released an explosive gas inside our office luckily I was alone or else I would rot in prison for being convicted with multiple homicide. I couldn’t even take the stench of my own gas and worst, I could die with my own fart. That’s not a good way to die or headline the tabloids.

I only made halfway with my lunch porkchop because I couldn’t contain the feeling and goosebumps were visible on the surface of my hairy skin. I hate the idea of defecating in the building’s washroom or in any public toilets. 1. Public toilets are infested by killer microbes. 2. The flush are not working properly. 3. In men’s room, guys don’t have good aim at bowls. Do you like the idea of sitting on somebody else’s piss? 4. Someone is taking a happy time too long in the cubicle. 5. It’s not as comfortable as the home’s CR. But what I could do? My shit was already on his way out that’s why I rushed to the restroom not minding my thoughts of a public CR.

Oh boy, it was a success. We had a dipper in the office and a soap which I bought last week and use those to wash my ass. I am not accustomed with wet wipes or using tissues to wipe off those fecal matters on my butt crack. Who would not love the feeling of washing butt with barehands, soap and water? Just make sure that feces will not dig deeper into the nails. It feels better than with scraping shits with tissues or a bus ticket. The stench and stain will just retain on the underwears and the feeling is still icky afterwards.

I only use public toilet on a rare occasion like this—when it badly needs to go out. The banana cake and coffee I ate for brunch could have been the culprit that made me almost poop in my pants. Then add the cold weather and the cold air in the room, they are my worst formula for having a bad roaring stomach. Also, I didn’t move my excesses this morning. But it could have been the coffee. I resigned drinking coffee because I was having migraines before and yeah, hyperacidity. It’s like drinking tea on an empty stomach—expect diarrhea afterwards.

So now I’m eased. It really feels great releasing a load of shit. Tonight, I think me and my friends will be hanging briefly at a coffee shop. I guess I have to pass on the coffee and grab a cup of tea instead. And duh?! Caffeine at night? I won’t be flying to Neverland if I’ll drink coffee tonight.

Don’t you feel poopy now? 

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9 Comments

  1. I’m laughing like hell now!! Haha the first paragraph was enough to make me laugh the shit out of my ass hahahaha :p

    I have the exact same sentiments with you. There’s no other better luxury than to take a dump in your own home, unless you’re in a 5 star hotel. Bringing your own soap is really cool. I really can’t use tissues or wet wipes too that’s why I always avoid shitting in other places other than my house.

    But if you gotta go, then you really gotta go. That’s life diba? The shit needs to get out!

  2. I try to keep myself from pooping in public toilets as much as possible. It has to be of dire situations if I poop in one! And like Juice, I never did get to master the use of tissue when pooping!

    Hehe….POOP….Hehe…

  3. I did have my share of that kind of experience. Not once or not even twice.

    The most memorable one was when I was still in my first year of college. The canteen brunch was the main culprit: humongous fried chicken and mountainous rice. The added challenge to that was, it was raining and Intramuros was pretty flooded.

    Imagine my face – right from the difficulty of getting the ride home, the waiting, the bus ride, the traffic. I even tempted to let it out at SM Manila but yeah, I am not also accustomed to public toilets.

    When I went home finally: TOILET EXPLOSION!!! 😀

  4. Juice,
    I think I can’t poop in a 5-star hotel. The toilets are too nice to shit on.

    Jigs,
    I’ll open an institute that teaches the use of tissue in a toilet.

    Jake,
    Buti na lang nabuhay ka pa at yung susunod na gagamit ng banyo. LOL.

  5. yeah, banana cake really does it badly. whenever i get to bring myself to eat a slab, i get really…gaseous. i mean, my stomach growls and i blast out thunderous fart. but i have to admit that banana cake is great.

    aha! people who fart inside airconed rooms! well, your exempted for your situation was kind of inevitable. hahaha.

  6. Just like the ones who made their comments on this post, I am not accustomed to public toilets. I never disposed my waste on public toilets because, just like you, I fear of getting convicted of murder. And I don’t have to kill the person by my bare hands, just the foul stench of my feces floating on the toilet.

    Whenever my stomach is getting angry already and wants me to release the rubbish stuck in my anus and I’m in a far-away place from my sanctuary, I would just hold on. The time I would step on my house, I go straight to the bathroom, sit on the toilet and bombs away!

    As for banana cakes… Yum. 😛

  7. My body always cooperates with me. It’s extremely rare that I feel like I have to shit whenever I’m outside the house. Sure, I fart. A lot. LOL. But it has never come to a point wherein I’d have to use a public restroom to relieve myself.

    And like you, I’m not used to using wet tissues to wipe shit off my butt crack. :p

  8. Mike,
    Luckily, I was alone!

    Dan Hellbound,
    Hmm… seems everyone hate public toilets

    Shari,
    Good for you, you have a good… muscle control.

  9. Porkchops for lunch? No wonder your shit smells so bad. Try eating more fruits/veggies/fibre. Shit doesn’t stink nearly as bad. Wash you ass after each shit too. Bidets are great.


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  1. […] and whenever I’m at Starbucks, I’m just ordering green tea and cinnamon swirl. I don’t drink coffee because I get poopy. Yeah! I know, I’m cheap… and I can be sold for 30 pesos a night. So 4 stickers on the […]

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