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Dark clouds dominated the skyline as the raindrops started pouring. Tears also started rolling down my cheeks inside our bedroom so no one else would see except for myself that was peeking from a small mirror. Sadness consumed me, darkness shrouded me. I had cried on all corners of our house like a dog pee reminding others that it was his territory; only mine were tears telling everyone of a great pain had punctured me. My aunt had a stroke.

My aunt was temporarily staying with us because she was sick so that we could watch over her. It was dawn yesterday and everybody were sound asleep. My brother heard my aunt moaning on her slumber. He tried waking her but she was not responding. They quickly halted a jeep to take them to the nearest hospital. I was left at home, worried not knowing and still bewildered by the few minutes of commotion. I didn’t got to work yesterday and reasoned the emergency that occurred.

I was restless the whole day and anxiety reigned my body. Fear reminded me of my grandma, my aunt and my mom’s mother, who died just this April of the same condition. I should not be thinking that, but for the same occurrence in the same year? It was inevitable. Hypertension ran in their bloodline, even their dad left the planet with the same sickness years ago. Stroke and hypertension are the fatal backstabbing duo.

I was crying not because of my aunt’s situation because like everyone were telling me that she would be okay because her vital signs were improving. She only needed an operation to reconnect—if that’s the term—her nerves to make things better. What I was anxious about was our future or the next thing after that. What could happen next? Would our lives be normal again after that? I just wanted our normal happy life back!

Fate has been brutal to our family. My mom has a hypertension too and my dad also has it and a heart problem. It’s too pessimistic to think of it, but hell, I’m scared of it. I don’t want to think of it but the emotional burden digs deeper and deeper.

I want to end this. If only everything else is just a horrible nightmare so that when I wake up, I can start my life all over again. Sad but true, reality sucks bigtime!

Don’t worry, I may be emo but I won’t be killing myself. I don’t want to die virgin.

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6 Comments

  1. i think the stroke that, uh, struck your aunt is probably due to the sweltering heat in our place. then again, you’ve mentioned that it is congenital, so maybe that’s the major perpetrator. did she have aneurysm or something?

    she’d be okay, including you. just don’t worry way, way too much. you don’t want to see yourself inside the hospital ICU with tubes stuck on your nose, do you?

  2. I hope everything works out for the better.

    We all have our emo moments. We need it to cope.

  3. sana maging maayos na ang kalagayan niya. malalagpasan n’yo rin ito.

  4. No comforting words could come out from my fingertips.

    But we all know, eventually, that everything’s gonna be okay.

    I’m just a text away, Kuya. Just like what I’ve told you before.

  5. Aww, I can’t say anything to this except that I hope everything will be alright.

  6. Just as I thought, you’ve all said the same thing. Anyway, thanks. So far, I got up from being emo.


One Trackback/Pingback

  1. By Refusal « In The Brink of the Mental Warzone on 13 Aug 2007 at 4:48 pm

    […] as before made the house susceptible to gloom and sadness. It has been more than a week since my aunt has been to the hospital leaving me always alone at home and doing chores. I have to be home early because I need to guard […]

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