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Humans have two ears to capture every sounds around them—and also tons of dirt sticking in the earwax. For my ears, I have other use for them. I found them not only great for flying but also for eavesdropping.

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It was my first job in Alabang, my bosses were two quarreling elite lovers. My cubicle was situated at the far end corner of the office. My workstation located at the corner while I faced a great view of Alabang’s horizon and nasty Metro Manila smog. Only a painted wooden divider separated my station from my female boss’s cubicle.

One afternoon, I was busy working with my best pal Photoshop and the sultry seductress World Wide Web. My boss’s phone rang, she answered it. It was her mom who called her. Moments later as she was burning battery and brain with her cellphone’s radiation, I heard growls and roars of hundred animals on the other side of my partition. Her voice became a stampede of angry mammals and reptiles while talking with her mom on the phone. My mind was busy focused on a tremendous workload of undetermined deadline. Yet, my ears were still happy hearing my boss’s argument with her meddling mom instead of the lustful music of my PC. All else in that office heard her rage, but only I did get all the juiciest details of that heated conversation—and still managed to finish my project that day.

Our boss, his beloved, walked in to her booth after that phone battle of words and disagreement.

“What’s goin’ on ‘lolly?” our boss, her business and bed partner, curiously asked.

“My bitch called.”

I just love liberated elites.

———————————————-

The Saturday’s moon was so inviting. I found myself hypnotized by the moon’s grandiose rays and placed me and some friends at a bar in Makati. We were having a nice nightout, good talks and booze. We snacked on the bar’s sisig and made cocktail with unfamiliar liquors in our alchohol-thirsty stomachs.

The night was not getting any younger. Though not drunk, my cheeks were already blushing from the effects of the bourbon I just drank. Some of the customers were already drowned and their brain cells were already murdered by the alcohol. We were still having a great night and good laughs. My bladder was already flooded with alcohol and summoned me to go to the washroom.

I quickly strutted my fashionista walk going to the bar’s restroom. I quickly got into the cubicle—instead of the urinal placed beside it, locked myself, and aimed my urine into the half-filled toilet bowl. It was just me alone in the cubicle, alone in the restroom. Then, somebody rushed inside and placed himself at the urinal just beside the partition. I heard something, a moan.

“Oh my god! OHH MY GHAAD!” the strange guy said.

What the hell was he doing? I dunno. I would not give a damn if he was having a ‘happy time’ with his schlong or if his wang was spitting blood. But hell, I found his orgasmic expression hilarious. I went out of the partition, proceeded to the lavatory to wash my hands and acted as if I heard nothing—but I really wanted to laugh boisterously. I felt his eyes glanced at me, but I didn’t mind. I could tell he was dumbfounded because he didn’t expect someone would come out of the cubicle that heard his glorious moan.

What can I say? Oh my god!

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Lesson learned? Cubicles are great allies for eavesdropping.

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5 Comments

  1. I eavesdrop to others’ conversations accidentally so i think it’s safe, but almost everything i’ve heard were so funny i could have laughed them off, and thanked them because i didn’t have to do crunches. then again, i have to refrain from showing my gullet in public.

    i wonder what the guy was going through.

  2. wooooooo. :p

    ang baboy nung “or if his wang was spitting blood”. grabe ah. diba dapat sayo nangyayari yun!? =))

    masarap ring makinig sa mga conversations. actually helpful sila, kasiiii naririnig mo yung mga hindi mo DAPAT naririnig. ehehe.

    ayun.

  3. haha. the moans at the cubicles. haha. aliw. para kang si matt parkman ng heroes. haha. oi, agent ni kombatron, pa-link!

  4. Mike,
    Up to now, I am still puzzled.

    Utakgago,
    Sa eavesdropping nagsisimula ang tsismis.

    Bulitas,
    You’ve got linked.

  5. Eavesdropping, sometimes, happens to be my expertise. I swear. I used to eavedrop a lot with adult conversations (Marami akong natutunan nun. LOL) when I was younger. But I think I lost my prowess with this thing when I grew up. Sayang.

    I think I’ve had a little (And I mean ‘little’) experience somewhat like that with the second one. Don’t ask. Haha. Anyway, I didn’t know you worked in Alabang before.


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