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Thoughts now are still garbled with anxiety. Each minutes of a freaky situation are stuck in this brain. I must not think about it anymore, I’m stressed, I’m tormented. I want to stop thinking but it is still fresh, like blood hardly stained in here.

It was Sunday afternoon. A strong abaca rope looped to fit a neck waiting for my bro (cousin) to choke himself. I pushed our bedroom’s window seeing my cousin already putting his neck on that looped abaca. He was stunned seeing me through that window and stopped the insanity he was doing. Our hearts were pounding fast and every beat was a response to our adrenaline, fear, anxiety and troubled thoughts. I just saved the life of my cousin.

Anxiety and paranoia rules over me until now. I still can’t get over those thoughts. Worried sick of the events, I want to move over and think positively. But while this paranoia dominates me, I can’t go on even if my birthday is already tomorrow. I can’t stop worrying everytime my cousin is spending time alone in our room or when I leave home to go to work. A spec of insanity disrupts all the positive thoughts in me. I’m still scared. And yes, I’m already torturing myself.

He is alive and he swears he’ll never do that again. He also admitted before that he did this years back too. This was his second attempt killing himself. There is a verbal contract now, but knowing he did this twice already how can I put my mind at ease. I’m scared that once he do this stupidity again, I would not find him breathing. Anxiety has already made his throne in my confused head. My soul wants to go back to me now. I need to come back, be revived and steal that throne.

He’s alive. He promised. Now, I should get back to my life. I should bring back my sanity.

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7 Comments

  1. Ouch. That’s freakyyyy. Your cousin is meant to live, because despite the attempts he’s done, it didn’t happen. Tell him that, instead of torturing yourself, after all you just stopped him from taking away is life.

    I admit, if I was in your place I’d feel the same way too considering I’m prone to those feelings but just don’t beat yourself, because it won’t do any good. Just continue to support your cousin and make his life worth living.

  2. I guess, he’s okay now, right? I mean, you said you’re ‘ecstatically happy’, so that.

  3. nakupo! parang ako dati ung insan mo… ehehhe dati umaakyat ako sa puno ng langka. Tpos parang ikaw ung tatay ko laging paranoid na maaksidente ako bwahhaha pero buti nalang nasa bintana ka

  4. Juice,
    Fortunately his OK now.

    Yna,
    Yeah he is… maybe I should explain it later on.

    Heneroso,
    Kung ikaw siguro yun, hahayaan na lang siguro kita. Bakit pa ba ako mag-aalala sa iyo?

  5. wow. you’re a hero

  6. Marco,
    Not really, I don’t have superpowers yet. LOL.

  7. no, you got there in time and changed the future(his)! you’re a hiro!!


One Trackback/Pingback

  1. […] 18th, 2007 This was a one helluva week. A lot of thingamajig happened that put all those trauma and paranoia displaced. I still have hangovers from all the events that occurred this week. It was not a blast […]

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